Small Town Rics

Rickshaws in Mumbai? Try rics in smaller towns!! Nothing can beat them!! These guys first bang into you, then stop you, call you names, talk about damage to their piece of crap ( you may be driving a Maruti or a Merc, and he banged into you coz he was in a rush, he has flights to catch, not you!! Dream on!! Who cares about your fancy shmancy car?????). Look at his ric, he worships it!! He puts a fresh garland everyday! Why would he care about your car??

Over and above all this, he almost gets into your car and tries to take over the keys, has this amazing ability to halt all traffic, and get total attention of passers by, who are enthralled and glued to the scene like a dumb Ekta Kapoor TV serial, and you can somehow manage to get by with some police threats and gaalis… (our gaalis are nothing) . Its like baby talk to them. Am sure he went home and laughed his ass off.

Wish i had kicked his ass and beaten the pulp out of the guy.

Find a job

I work for a respectable company. That doesn't mean some relative or a worse a friend of some relative meets my parents, and gives his sons' or daughters' resume and asks them to ask me to check if there is any job that he can take up..."wtf mein kya freemonster.com khol ke rakha hai" (english version of the dialog: have I opened a freemonster.com?). The crappy part is, the request doesn't come with a specific goal in mind like "my son is interested in financial audits, does your company have any openings in that area?"...instead, "here's my sons' resume, see if something can be done and if there's any job you can offer"...so does that mean your son is an all-rounder who knows it all n yet waiting for the "golden" break???!!!
Ok meri company mein cab-services ke liye driver ka job opening hai... (in my company the travel desk requires cab drivers).... would your son (who apparently has done his MBA from some university in some country that I haven't heard of) be interested in taking this job up? It's a growing company, I am sure he will work his way up to be the CEO in the next 200 years! Interested!!!???

Sick of rickshaws in Mumbai

With the influx of people from outside, the traffic sense has gone to the dogs. People brought their driving habits from other states and cities and have totally f*cked up the traffic discipline in Mumbai. Mumbai always had traffic but it was disciplined in 80s.

Rickshaw has a triangular shape and the drivers take advantage of this by cutting into traffic… they have no patience and want to be the first to get ahead. They probably know that the car owner will be worried about damage to his vehicle and would obviously stop and let them go.

Lets do this: Buy an old fiat car (should get it for a few thousand rupees) and drive on weekends, not stopping for any rickshaw which is violating traffic rules. Just bloody bang them if they cut in front of you.

Ekdum Enthu

I am waiting for something to crib about all morning. Finally i did find something to crib about. Life being a bummer coz I misplaced some money. Life is so unfair!!  I mean, just like that, why should I be the one to lose money? Why not some other person??? What did i do to anyone anyway??

But, i found it.

So..while i am enthusiastic to crib about something, it isn’t happening yet.

So i think, this is it!! I’m cribbing about nothing to crib about!! Great!! Feel much better now!

I am so bored

The weather is so gloomy... the heavens can't stop pissin and boring movies playing on tatasky.
The morning tea was a super diluted version of the real tea. I dont know why the crow was squawking and screeching at a close range from my window...stupid idiot early in the morning dream of becoming an indian idol. Or perhaps like the old saying goes, I might have to expect visitors...arrgh...that means I will have to entertain them and put a "I am so excited to meet you" smile. For gods sake, let me sleep...do some magic and make these thing disappear....uh huh...am i expecting too much...anyway now I am bored of this laptop that makes me type the blog posts...cant this idiot just do anything by itself!!!??

Road to Hell......

I compare driving on the roads of Mumbai to being a soldier on the frontline; Life is always in danger.
Driving on the road in wrong direction, rash driving & breaking signals, has become , kind of, our birth right. Just yesterday while I was returning home in the evening, a Tata-Indigo with a 'Lal-Batti' on top was coming in the wrong direction & that too on the first lane! It was almost about to bang my car. That idiot expected me to move my car & let him go. I stood my ground & did not budge & a long queue started forming behind me. That b@$t@rd started giving me gaalis while taking his car in the right direction (he chose to drive over the divider). I just smiled at him & he got more frustrated :)......In perfect Bambaiya style, a dialogue from me- "Saala , apne baap ka road samajhta hai kya?". I also hope the 'good-for-nothing' Neta/babu sitting inside the car got a nasty backache due to the divider & his evening got spoilt (let him experience what we go through everyday)
About the roads, I think , this year the government & the BMC decided to do absolutely no work. They are more interested in filling their pockets than filling the potholes. A few days back my car started making a strange squeaking noise after going through a massive crater & I am sure every car owner has faced some problem or the other due to bad roads. Now, who is responsible for this? Why aren't proven technologies like Carboncor used to fill the potholes? Why are there potholes in the first place?........Blatant corruption, not in Patna but in Bombay.
Just day before I was seeing a program on TV which said India has one of the highest accident rates & it is increasing every year! Isn't human life precious? Worst it, even influentieal people & top industrialists choose to stay silent. Why isn't there a pressure group? how can these b@$t@rds have their way everytime? Afterall, don't we pay taxes? So, isn't it a Deadly experience driving a car with bad roads & equally bad driving habits?
These days very often I get disillusioned & wonder whether it is worth staying here.........

Road going to Hinjewadi - Adventure after the rains!!

So its been raining a lot - at least off and on. And of course that means that all the roads are in a real bad shape. And of course it rains like this only in India! Or the rain in India is special - its not the same water that comes down everywhere else in the world! I say that because you don't see roads going to this state in other parts of the world even when it rains there.
Every year the corporations spent huge amounts of our tax money on repaining the roads!! More like they give the money to contractors to "pretend" to fix/patch/make roads. Because the roads are "made" every year and next year, its again back to square one! Few rains and roads cease to exist!!! The only thing changes from year to year (or it might change) is which road wins the worst road contest in any given city. This year in Pune, Wakad Phata – the road going to Hinjewadi from Aundh is giving a tough competition and my guess is that it IS going to win this “Worst road of the city” contest.
In fact this road is so bad, that you can’t call it a “road” anymore… Its got potholes and potholes in the potholes… and then in places its 3 layers of potholes… Oh and of course to make up for these potholes there are bumps. Some of them small, tiny ones and others are nice and big!! In places its like driving your car on the side of a hill.
Anyone looking for adventure can come drive on this road and feel the excitement of driving on a dirt track, sand dunes and even the moon!!! All right here on this ONE road!!! Its most exciting to be driving on the side of a BIG bump – like driving on the side of a hill – and end up in a huge pothole right at the end of the bump!!
And many people working in Hinjewadi experience this THRILL everyday!!! Twice!!!!

And lets not even talk about how things are going to get even more exciting because of the Ganapati in the next few days....

Auto / Taxi strike == Less Traffic!?!? Yeah right!

Really? In the ideal world yes. But not this morning! Damn! Am so p*****d off. Got up this morning to the news that there's an auto / taxi strike. Was smiling - although, I pity the people who depend on autos / taxis to commute to work and back home, but whatever - realizing today's gonna be a fun ride to work at least, 'coz by evening, the kaali-pilis will be back on the road.

All excited, left home@8 am, smooth ride till Goregaon WEH, but then...my idealistic world came crashing down like Tom's teeth when Jerry hurls a ball at him. Damn! From Mahananda Dairy onwards thru the JVLR, it was choc-a-block! My car was moving at a speed of 0.000001 k.p.h. Damn!

Took me 2 hours to get to work. Damn!
So whoever said Auto / Taxi strike == Less Traffic, I have 3 words for you'll. IN YOUR DREAMS!!!

Damn!

Her Highness Kaam Wali

The most sought after job is not that of a Software Engineer... it's that of a "kaam wali" (maid servant). With a lot of competition that exists in this job, it's a niche area. Mind you it's not an easy job. Below are some of the traits of typical "kaam wali" which will make identification easy:

1. If you hear some wierd language that sounds like a fcked up version of your local language

2. If the person knocks at you door at 7 am telling you that you need domestic help

3. If the person offers domestic help and charges 500 rs per task (no it's not listed in TFS ...that is charged extra)

4. If the person treats your house has her own house literally

5. If the person has a tendency to tell you that you need to buy sugar ASAP, because she can't start work without a chai first!

6. If the person decides to disappear at will for a couple of days and has the nerve to not inform you.

7. If the person is responsible for causing a virtual inflation in your society/apartment by job hoping across floors or other buildings in the same campus

8. If the person tells you to turn the TV on or play some music, since she apparently performs best while listening to music or watching TV.

9. If the person tells you to turn the AC on, since she is feeling hot.

10. If the person doesn't care a s**t about how long she's been working with you, but will still demand a raise after every 15 days.

11. If the person cooks extra food to being with, so that an opportunity is created automatically where in you will offer her to take the food that otherwise would have gone waste!

12. If the person is highly influenced with indian-soap-operas such that, she will be trying various techniques to eavesdrop on private family conversations that she learnt in these shows

13. If you can trust that person to publicly declare every single thing that happens in your house.

14. If you can trust her to leave the job for someone else is offering her 10 rupees more per month.

15. If she gives reasons like, "bus late aayi", "baccho ko school mein chod na tha", "mere pati ne raat ko bahut maara", "mein time peich aayi, aapni ghadi tapaso", "tula kadhi usheer nahi ka zhala melya" etc.

16. If her name is "Gangu", "Shanta", "Kanta", "Mangal", "Ujwal" then they are considered pedigree.

All the "kaam walis" are super unique. They come in various shapes, sizes and age. The older ones are more groomed to deal with trying situations, however they don't usually stay put on the point. The younger ones think "women empowerment" is all about them in specific and don't leave an opportunity to blurt a heavy dose of dirties abuse you have ever heard in a life time if you ask them to do additional work. Then there are ones which try different techniques to earn some real fast money (remember that Bollywood actor who was convicted for raping a "kaam wali"). Then there are those who wouldn't bother to wear clean clothes everyday and stink enough to wake you up even if you are in the deepest of sleeps. There are those who can finish "zhadu + pocha" for a 2 bhk flat (approx 900sqft area) in 10 mins or lesser period! Then there are those who can consume all the soap that you bought for washing the utensils, in one day, yet manage to leave the utensil dirty!

All in all, highly dynamic in nature, very "hard" working, always on the run (hurry to another place)!

Presenting The Indian Kaam Wali...!!! All stand and bow (or otherwise, fcking do the entire housework on your own)!

Blackberry and 64 bits sync

Its so stupid… Blackberry releases a new version of its Desktop Manager and still no support for 64 bits Outlook. Oh C’mon, its not as if all the data becomes double in size so that there is a big translation required.