Clueless Morons

I’m positive its a money making racket. Doctors… who else??

Yesterday, I went from one doctor to the other and none of them had a conclusive answer for my issue. You have an allergy, says one. Another thinks its an infection and the third thought its an inflammation. I am positive what the doctors were really thinking is “ I have no idea”. Do they suffer from cranial rectitus? Completely clueless morons? And funnily they all try to convince you that they are right and their medicines are the ones that will work. It was quite quite horrible, all the gooey stuff they put on your body for a colour doppler to check the nerves. It got on my nerves that they didn’t even ask if it felt cold? It did. Was freezing in the room and they apply this gel which is cold too and no one asks if you are comfortable.

So, what does a layman like me do anyway? I was ready to tear my hair out, tired, hungry and totally broke. They rob you with the endless tests they think will give the answer and the medicines. I am so fed up of this rigmarole.

My dad had been after me to study medicine when I was in school, am wondering why I didn’t listen to him. He must have known…. one day I will be robbed by a bunch of doctors and there’s more to come I’m sure.

Marital or Martial

Kaam karo toh mushkil….  toh usme faults… aur nahi kiya toh .. gaye bhaiyya paani mein.

If you even dare to make a joke about it, risk have your head being bitten off. I really don’t understand why God decided to give us tongues. He must have a good dose of daily laughter. Specially looking at spouses tear each other up. I seriously wonder if it’s Marital or Martial? They both involve serious fighting.

Hmm…wonder if i can become a hermit? Do they have hidden complaint registers in hermit land? Wouldn’t it be just heaven… no hidden registers, no visible ones ( namely spouses  ) staring with the long list of faults at your face? And anyway i don’t get it. If we were meant to be completely without flaws, wouldn’t we be?

God has a sick sense of humour…. and i think …he made us that way too… infact ..without any.

Women Drivers

I seriously don’t understand, ‘WHY WOMEN DRIVE?’ They don’t have a common sense of driving. They don’t blow horns, use indicators, use mirrors. They just drive.

Even if they use horn, its for pure music or to annoy others. If they use indicators, the indicating signal is wrong one. And mirrors are for make-up.

Women, please follow these ‘basic’ driving rules:

• Horn is for your safe driving, not for your musical pleasure.
• Mirrors are to check vehicles behind you, not for your make-ups
• Seat belts and Helmets are for your own good. Even if you wear a scarf, use helmet.
• If you glow right indicator, take a right turn NOT the left one.
• If you want to take a right turn, be in the right lane, not on left.
• Avoid using mobile phones whilst driving. I know you love chapar-chapar-chapar, but you can do it once you reach home safely.

Someone’s life is most important. Drive safely and sensibly.

Service or Serv-ass??

I was travelling recently. While I checked in at the airport without any trouble at all with 22 kg of luggage, and a hand bag to go with me. I did hit trouble while returning. Of course going for 2 days explains that 22 kg of luggage means I am an unpaid courier person, and if I make the mistake of refusing, I will be eaten by the family piranhas. Obviously, according to my family, if I travel anywhere, I am supposed to take things for people and have to bring back a bag full of goodies. Which I was doing.

I was very happy to note that I didn’t have any hand bag on the way back. Just checked in baggage. Happy as a bumble bee, I went to the counter and was informed that i have 22.5 kg luggage, which is above the required amount allowed by the airline. I informed the officer very smugly that I don’t have any hand bag, so, I’m sure 2.5 kg is not a problem. He refused. It was shocking. I even informed him that I had travelled to the city with 22 kg with the same carrier, yet he refused. Now I was fuming. Then the audacity of the guy, he says, you can remove 2 kg and carry with you in your hand, its ok by me!!!  You have got to be kidding me!!!!!!!!!

How dumb is that???? I was staring appalled at his behaviour and flat refused. Doesn’t the guy get it??? The luggage will go in the hold or in my hand, its still on the same aircraft!!!!!! What an ass!!!!!

I wanted to rough him up so badly, but i calmly refused to remove any stuff and refused to pay for 2 kg extra. But i guess my loud voice attracted another guy who came over and asked the guy to let me go.

I could have sworn i saw a very amused smile on that guy’s face!!!! The guts of these airline ground staff!!!! Trying to make a buck, where it isn’t required!!!!!

When will they learn??? A service industry!! Instead of service with a smile, its more like service my ass!!!

#@!#%$% Indian sense of time!!!!!!!! $$#%$#^%^$ $

Why does given time mean ABSOLUTELY nothing in India? How can someone give you 6:00 PM as the time for a service call at home for a home appliance and not show up till 9:30 PM? And then when called first they don't pick up the phone. Then they pick up and tell you "oh, I'll be there shortly" as if he is only may be 5 mins late or something!!!

How can we be SO completely careless about time? Why can't we be punctual? Why can't we respect other people's time?

Year is more than 80% over already!!!

Why does it seem like every year the time runs faster than the previous year?? This year is getting to the closing line very fast and I have not even adjusted to this year yet!! How does this happen? And WHY does this happen? Does the time have to pass so fast? And faster every year than the previous year?
I don't remember years just zooming away like this when we were small. When we were in school, the years took their own sweet time. Each one of them made me so aware of its presence. But the years now a days are in such a hurry!! Before you even get introduced to the new one propoerly, it is ready to say good- bye to you!!!
I am not liking this at all!!! I need the years to slow down, to move with more grace and give me time to smell the roses!!!

What kind of a Final was this?

0:8?!?! 0:8!?! Unbelievable. I mean, I knew it was going to be tough to beat Australia in the CWG Hockey Finals, but 0:8?!?!? Outrageous!

After such a build-up to the finals, going down 0:8 is outright ridiculous. Was it over-confidence? Or just plain old “we-are-in-the-finals-so-whatever” attitude that let the team down? Don’t get me wrong here. Am not cribbing because we lost. I am cribbing because we lost 0:8.

Damn!

So much for a tune-up!

One of those lousy days today. Starts well, but within minutes, goes downhill. Yesterday, I got my car serviced, got a tune up and all. Started my car and immediately noticed the change post-tune-up. Felt very nice. I drive my car to get to work. Am waiting at a major signal, so as usual, I turn off the engine. Am very happy (for a change) because I’m the first in line to shoot off once the light goes green. And when it does…the car won’t start! Damn!

So, off go the honks. People cursing from behind to move my car. I show them the finger and tell them “why don’t you help me push it aside?” No one stops. They just cut in to the other lane and drive off, honking!

I pop the hood and see if I can fix something. Push some cables here and there and give it another shot. Starts….but again dies down. A courteous traffic constable comes along to help manage the traffic around my car. He even helps me push my car aside. Thanks a lot courteous traffic constable. He disappeared before I could thank him and even get his name. Back to work, I suppose.

Now, I have to hunt for a mechanic. It’s 9 AM. I knew I was in trouble. Mechanics usually start their day after 10. I still roam around a bit pushing my luck. None whatsoever! Finally, I notice a large gas station-cum-service center. Delighted, I walk up to them and ask for help and they send a person with me to take a look.

It turns out, the oil’s leaking, the coolant’s leaking and one of the wires / cables from the engine is bad and needs to be replaced. So much for an oil change and tune-up!

So, its at the service center for 2 days, not to mention the bill that I’ll have to pay tomorrow. Damn!!!

Why not just build a hospital there?

It takes more than 60 years to decide whether there should be a temple or a mosque. The locals are fed up. Am sure lots of aam junta are fed up too with the controversy – which btw resulted in lots of bloodshed. The only people really interested are the politicians, who, no matter what the verdict, will try to take credit for it.

Picture this: Verdict is “THERE SHOULD BE A TEMPLE”. All politicians of all parties will try to take credit for it saying “we fought for it and we always knew this is going to be it”. Even those who were against it will somehow or the other try to milk it, or else, create problems. Same will happen vice versa.

Also, no matter what the verdict, and (I really hope for this) if there is no problem whatsoever anywhere, again they will try to take credit saying “we are tolerant enough to not create problems, no matter what the verdict is”.

My question is, is it all worth it? So many years? So many people? So many lives? Why not just build a hospital there that can be useful for one-and-all? Name it the “Babri-Ram Hospital” or something.

I first thought of having a school there, but that can take a religious turn too, so not a good idea at all.

I know, its not so easy, but isn’t it good for everyone? Isn’t it what these so called “care-takers” of our nation supposed to do? (think what’s better for today and tomorrow rather than delve on what was?) Why can’t they just let go of their ego for the betterment of the nation?

Damn!

Difficult to decide about the phone!

So iPhone is supposed to be very cool. And it definitely looks classy. But the OS is proprietary! And so we don’t know how it will be going forward. And of course its way too expensive. And not yet available in India…
Then there are multiple android based phones – from Samsung, from HTC and so on…
They give so many different variations – but somehow they do not match the “cool” factor of iPhone..
Galaxy S is there – its very good, but it supposedly does not one do skype calls?
HTC – is bulkier and supposed to have other problems too.
Nokia N900 looks pretty good – but that OS is a big question mark!

Then there is Microsoft – but Windows phones are no where in the race – at least so far. We’ll see what happened when Win 7 mobile is launched. Its supposed to be pretty cool. But I doubt if it will be able to match the iOS or Android phones…

So what does one do for a smart phone???
Why should it be this way?? Why can’t we have a GOOD smart phone with the right features at the right price available in India???

Blog-gy Hell!!!!

Now…like any self respecting individual, I have a blog too. ( I just turned self respecting, )  And I work. I work my ass off to get info which is searched thru umpteen sites so as to give the most correct and useful information. Trust me, I’m mighty proud of it too. Though I get brickbats all the time like  :   “How is going to help you?” , “ Oh?? do people even read these days?”, and, if i ask any counter question…I’ve had it. “How dare you ask me a counter question?? You wanted my opinion!! Didn’t you???”

Sigh, forgive me for even trying to make the world a better place. Cutting the crap from god knows how much info you have to scan, so that you have precise and to the point info.

So, here’s the crib. Despite pasting my blog address everywhere I can think of, I still get calls for the kind of stuff I have posted on my blog, and I have to redirect. Don’t people look anymore??? And that’s not all, after posting so many updates on FB, people turn around and say : “Oh? You post on FB? Really?? I haven’t seen anything” In my mind I go “ Yeah? WTF do you see and know anyway??”

I mean..really!!!! What do people look at anyway?? I just don’t get it.. 

So busy, didn’t even have time to crib!

Wazzup with life suddenly becoming so busy? All of a sudden, am loaded with work, bad health and a short week to work. Got so busy with work that I didn’t have time to crib. How pathetic am I?

It sucks when you are suddenly overloaded with work and can’t even crib about it. So today, the first thing I’m doing is crib about it before I get started on my work. A Rotadu’s gotta do what a Rotadu’s gotta do! C-R-I-B!!!

I can’t let some silly busy week overcome my urge to crib! I can’t let my overloaded work schedule rob me of my birth-right to crib!

In your face, overloaded schedule! Damn you!

PS: Man, that feels good :)

i h8 ppl hu spl lk ths

Espcly in eml. evn mr so whn dey do dis 2 ofcl crspndc. & 2 thnk da grbhsrbs thnk dey r CL. leet. khdrlngms. i crs dem 2 g8 krmkts n der nitmbs. & chtrk n der andksh.

Wt da rtkrya! R v stl lvng n tlgrf dys whn u pd pr wrd or ltr? o ys, dese r d dys f Twtr. Vl, u cn al shv yr clctv hshtgs @ ur pschdsh.

Mdrchds.

I hate Indore! I hate the food there! I especially hate people who get to go there often!

I didn’t even imagine that there will be a day when I will have to crib about Indore and the food there. God – no wait – All Indoris! Please forgive me for this, but I think it is about time I did this.

The food there is so good that though I visited Indore quite a few years ago, I still get the urge to eat the food there. The Benjos, poha, jalebi-doodh, malai-cake, shikanji, the paan (drooling…a lot). But rarely get to go there.

Now you see why I hate Indore, it’s food and the people who get to go there often. Damn you all!

Am sure all the eating joints there mix some kind of drug in the food. You just get hooked to it, no matter where or what you eat. Once you eat there, its like, you always have to and have to and have to and have to go back, if for nothing, then just the food. What is it that they mix in the food? Am sure not even the Indoris know this, but I am very sure that they do mix something.

No other place gets me more hungry than Indore. And I have travelled to lots of places all over the world. But Indore. Just the name – either hearing it or reading it – gives me hunger pangs! Why? What is it about the food there?

And then, I can’t go there often, which makes it even worse! A lot of people I know will totally agree with me. If they don’t, they are lying! They all hate Indore, its food and the people who get to go there often! Just because we don’t get to relish the food often!

Damn!

EPFO. What a bunch of thieves!

Thanks to Mr. A. D. Nagpal of Chandigarh, around 5 crore people will not get the benefit of an additional 1%. The interest rate of EPF is now 9.5% instead of the earlier 8.5%. It took Mr. Nagpal 3 years, and a lot of number crunching, to prove that the EPFO had a surplus of ~Rs.1,731 crore and not ~Rs.158 crore.

When the EPF announced earlier that the rate must be retained at 8.5% due to the smaller surplus, Mr. Nagpal, who is a member of the Central Board of Trustees, challenged their mathematics and set out to prove them wrong. And he did!

But not without problems. Even after showing the EPFO that their calculations are wrong and them accepting the same, it was never implemented. Till now, i.e.!

Also, when the EPFO finally decided to hike the rate, they recommended 9%. But Mr. Nagpal stood his ground and demanded for 9.5%. We have that now. Effective 01-April-2010, the rate for EPF is 9.5%.

Thank you Mr. Nagpal! Hats off to you!

But, why the f**k did it take someone to go thru so much to get this done? Why didn’t the people actually in-charge of OUR money do their job right in the first place? Think about it people! If they had done their mathematics right 3 years ago, we would have got 9.5% then. That’s a lot of money.

Damn you EPFO!

From all hehehe to arrrrgh!!!!

I have been trying to post a comment on Born Rotadu’s post..since an hour. I was all hehehe first and laughing that BR has nothing to crib about, welcome to the club, other blah blah etc. etc.  but the comments just don’t get posted because my internet is acting like a spouse .. basically ..acting up!!  and i went from hehehe to aarrrgh in no time!! 

Some days you just may be laughing away at someone and suddenly you get a nice one..by tripping and falling on your face!! I couldn't share my mirth 

And the funniest part is that i thought i will post this..and suddenly my comment gets posted too.. sigh…

Can’t a person even crib in peace??????

Can't think of things to complain about! :-(

I, who proudly call myself "Born Rotadu" - am stumped!!!

When I signed up to be part of this "complainers' paradise", I had thought I would be able to complain all the time. I thought I would have to be really choosy about what I decide to spend time writing about to put up on the blog. That I would have no derth of issues/problems that I would be able to complain about and would want to complain about.

But after first couple of rants, I have not been able to come up with good topics to complain about. When I think of something to complain about, either the problem seems to resolve itself or its been already complained about someone else!!! What is one to do when one has signed up to complain and can't think of anything to complain about??!!

This is really annoying me!! Why can't I think of things to complain about???!!!

C vs F

 

Why is it that almost ALL sites which show weather show either C or F? Does it take sooo much space (3 digits at max).

Damn the lift with the grill doors!

Lovely Sunday morning. All set and in a good mood to decorate my home with (artificial) flowers to give it a real homely and “green” look. Went to the store. Spent around 1500 bucks on oh-so-cute-looking flowers for three beautiful vases.

Brought them home, placed them at their respective places and what do I notice??? One of the bunch of flowers, with long stems for the tall vase had a “black-oily” spot on them :(. It turns out the lift in our society that has grill doors on the inside, was reeking with oil / grease due to a very recent “servicing” of the lifts.

Damn you greasy-oily-lift-with-grill-doors! The stem were quite long so it so happens that the flowers towards the top of the stem happened to touch the oily part of the grill door and in the bargain, spoil my flowers.

Damn!

Why are we so noisy?

I know, I know.. Indians are generally deeply religious and want to celebrate every religious festival with fanfare but do we have to go thru the torture of loud music, mostly dholak beaten like the dholaki is taking revenge on it. (Maybe he remembers how his wife did to him). Most of musical bands seem to be stuck in time as if the music has been passed to them in their genes and have been playing the same songs for last 30-40 years. It starts with Govinda Aala re (Shammi Kapoors song) to Bholi surat dil ke khotay (Bhagwans song). And for the life of me I cant understand why they play Yeh desh hai veer jawano ka for baarat? Its a shaheed type of song mourning the groom?

I am bracing myself for a season of mindless dholaks and shrill sounds of loudspeaker with a sequence of Govinda, Ganesh chaturthi and Garba.

Chor Company

Damn.......the courts have allowed Reliance Power to increase the power tariff!!! Apna Net Worth 70 takka erode ho gaya to kya hamare se hi poora paisa vasool karega kya? Kya loot machai hai.....Chor saala ..... Steven Speilberg ke saath picture banake paisa kamaa na, humari kaiko Vaat lagata hai?!!...

What’s the holiday for? ‘tis not Eid today!

The moon didn’t come out last night. All Muslims are not really celebrating Eid today – obviously they can’t unless and until they see the moon the previous night, so what’s the holiday for? As if there weren’t enough holidays – not to mention the additional days off due to bandhs and what-nots – here we go with an extra day off.

So, actually speaking, for banks, there’ll be 3 days off this week. In reverse order: Ganapti on Saturday, Eid on Friday and the strike that they had earlier this week on Tuesday.

Damn!

Gotcha CAPTCHA?

Recently I was trying to open an account with Google Services and just like other web sites, Google has implemented CAPTCHA control too.

CAPTCHA is a type of challenge-response test used in computing to ensure that the response is not generated by a computer. The controls looks like the ones below:

But I don’t know what’s wrong with Google. When I was entering my details I got a CAPTCHA like this one:

Google, can you spell it for me?

The cable is not working too

DAMN...the Cable is not working too, possibly because of the rains...... :(
Curse of the 'Holy Man' ?

Bad Sense of Humour

How some people (read wives) do not have a Sense of Humour. A few minutes back my wife was telling a bedtime story to my daughter about some Abdullah who met a Holy man (Arabian Nights?) So my daughter cutely asked 'Who is a Holy man?' without losing a chance I said 'A Man Full of Holes' & that was it! My wife yelled 'I do not want her to be like you'. I was a bit confused & asked her whether she was irritated because of religious aspects or the wrong meaning that I gave. She yelled back 'Shut-up & Go to sleep'..........so here I am..........

Going Deaf!!!!!!

Everyone is either going deaf in my house or my hearing has suddenly got superman-like qualities. If there are 3 TVs in the house, do they all have to be switched on, at the same time, on full volume?????

Am i the only one who is bothered by this??  If I’m talking to someone, i have to shout to get the message across. Maybe i should start ignoring people and pretend to be deaf already so that they start feeling guilty… hmm…

What is it with people, or is it just me?

Soon, they will all go deaf and need hearing aids. And i will go deaf by default. I guess, the smoke inhaled in a smokers company is just as bad. Well….. 

 

One tight slap across the face...!!!

I don't know if someone up there has forgotten to turn the tap off. Everytime I look out of the window its raining, drizzling or threatenning to do either of those. It's like you are working on your computer and someone is standing behind you doing nothing. Eitherways it drives me nuts.

I was riding my bike today avoiding the muddy puddles and just then an a**h**le autorick splashed dirty water all over. If only I had this slow-motion skill (that is available in some advanced video games), I would have slowed the splash and zipped past....but then welcome to reality...the only skill that was on my finger tip err tongue tip was an enraged MCBC bullet that made such a huge sound that it seemed the whole traffic stopped for a moment...

Here's the best part...I saw the autorick driver was undernourished and I had a good 10 pounds more than he had, and I saw this as a "wicked" opportunity!!! So the moment he stopped and jutted his head out to respond to my MCBC comment, I slapped him hard right across his face while I passed his vehicle (ok i dont know if that was musical at all)... BUT I HAD FUN!!!!

These Autorick guys can't do a thing with their odd shaped vehicle and a** jutting out. A tight slap across the face is the only language they understand...so guys, without fear, trust your instincts and vehicle skills and go for it...one tight slap. (Btw, if you own a bajaj bike, do not attempt this! There's a high chance that just when you need it, the bike wud refuse to budge and you might get YOUR A** kicked really hard).

Now the sadist pleasure: My adrenaline was on such a high the entire day, that I finished all my errands faster than I thought, came home and played "fetch" with my dog till he could take it no more and still have a load of energy left!!! So it is my humble request to GOD that, everyday create a situation where I see a autorick stuck in traffic and the driver jutting his "whatever" out and a slick opening for me to escape...I will do the rest!

Google doesn't know anything

Google knows everything about me.. What I search for, whom I chat with, which videos I see.. even whose mails I open first based on priority mails. This is apart from tracking my surfing habits thru Google Toolbar, Google Analytics. Google recently collected peoples data over open Wi-Fi using their street view vehicle.

Then WHY THE HELL Google news cannot remember a simple fact that I am from India and I DO NOT WANT US edition every time I visit.

Every single time I visit Google News, I dutifully select “India” from the country list. Forget tacking thru a cookie, I am even logged in into my Google account so it bloody well know who I am and where I am coming from.

IDIOTS!

The Auto / Taxi strike on 7-Sep-2010…for what?

As if, it was not enough that so many people had a harrowing time during the so called “strike”, I am even more p****d off now that I came to know what the strike was for. They were protesting against…the big “I”….I-N-F-L-A-T-I-O-N. Price rise!!! WTF!?!?

Can you believe that? What a bunch of hypocrites! And given the fact that they want to have a further hike in the auto fares.

Damn!

Nothing good to watch – TV is useless

We have so many channels now. One would think there would be no dearth of entertainment! Well think again!!
At prime time all the Hindi entertainment channels are either running ghastly family dramas or the ones that don’t are running even ghastlier reality shows. The reality shows get more and more bizarre and they are less and less about talent and more and more about – well just “show”.
Then all the news channels are busy beating some completely unimportant “story” to death! Its not news any more – they are all “stories”. Oh and channels like “Times Now” and “NDTV 24X7” and their “oh so important” news anchors are busy brow-beating their invited panel on some issue. When every day they bring new panel to discuss a new “very important” topic, we know how important each one is – or how much this “discussion” is going to make ANY difference to the complete picture (not at all).
The English entertainment channels many times are showing the originals on which our “reality” shows are based on….
Come to the movie channels – you can be sure that there would hardly be any good movies been shown when you want to watch. If by sheer cosmic co-incidence you have time to watch a movie and you are in mood for a good movie AND one of the channels is showing a good movie you feel so blessed!! You start watching the movie and get into the story and as the movie progresses the commercial breaks increase – the duration between two commercial breaks gradually decreases and the length of the commercial breaks gradually increases. To the extent that either you get fed up and give up on the movie- because thanks to all the breaks you have lost interest in the most amazing movie you were watching. Or you are almost dead by the time the movie ends.
That leaves channels like Discovery, Nat Geo, Animal Planet, etc. And its not funny how often they are showing documentaries on crashes (Nat Geo especially) or snakes & lizards (Animal Planet mostly) in the prime time. Like there is nothing more interesting than crashes or snakes in the world!!!

I HATE TV – am totally frustrated with it!!!

Chief Rotadu (CR) is frustrating me

First he says Rotadu ka identity is confidential, so one rotadu doesnt know another. Irony - CR knows all rotadus and some rotadus know some other rotadus as well. So rule 1 is anyway partially broken.
Now in the middle of the night CR tells me that someone likes your posts...now CR wants to show authority and refuses to share active feedback and refuses to tell me who that someone is who likes the posts. So in essense CR is keeping himself motivated and entertained and frustrating rotadus! Now that is being a sadist! Cribbin is an art and has to be executed with precision such that it's cotton cutting through your skin...ugh..whatever it means. And do it effectively there has to be active and positive encouragement.
Point being, CR is unfair n irritating me in the middle of the night and has the nerve to laugh. CR should be change to Sadist Rotadu :D :D :D
Ok enough...CR...mera number aayega...iska hisaab milega...barabar milega... (don't know how to get the gabbar depth and (width) in the text...but imagine gabbar said it).

Small Town Rics

Rickshaws in Mumbai? Try rics in smaller towns!! Nothing can beat them!! These guys first bang into you, then stop you, call you names, talk about damage to their piece of crap ( you may be driving a Maruti or a Merc, and he banged into you coz he was in a rush, he has flights to catch, not you!! Dream on!! Who cares about your fancy shmancy car?????). Look at his ric, he worships it!! He puts a fresh garland everyday! Why would he care about your car??

Over and above all this, he almost gets into your car and tries to take over the keys, has this amazing ability to halt all traffic, and get total attention of passers by, who are enthralled and glued to the scene like a dumb Ekta Kapoor TV serial, and you can somehow manage to get by with some police threats and gaalis… (our gaalis are nothing) . Its like baby talk to them. Am sure he went home and laughed his ass off.

Wish i had kicked his ass and beaten the pulp out of the guy.

Find a job

I work for a respectable company. That doesn't mean some relative or a worse a friend of some relative meets my parents, and gives his sons' or daughters' resume and asks them to ask me to check if there is any job that he can take up..."wtf mein kya freemonster.com khol ke rakha hai" (english version of the dialog: have I opened a freemonster.com?). The crappy part is, the request doesn't come with a specific goal in mind like "my son is interested in financial audits, does your company have any openings in that area?"...instead, "here's my sons' resume, see if something can be done and if there's any job you can offer"...so does that mean your son is an all-rounder who knows it all n yet waiting for the "golden" break???!!!
Ok meri company mein cab-services ke liye driver ka job opening hai... (in my company the travel desk requires cab drivers).... would your son (who apparently has done his MBA from some university in some country that I haven't heard of) be interested in taking this job up? It's a growing company, I am sure he will work his way up to be the CEO in the next 200 years! Interested!!!???

Sick of rickshaws in Mumbai

With the influx of people from outside, the traffic sense has gone to the dogs. People brought their driving habits from other states and cities and have totally f*cked up the traffic discipline in Mumbai. Mumbai always had traffic but it was disciplined in 80s.

Rickshaw has a triangular shape and the drivers take advantage of this by cutting into traffic… they have no patience and want to be the first to get ahead. They probably know that the car owner will be worried about damage to his vehicle and would obviously stop and let them go.

Lets do this: Buy an old fiat car (should get it for a few thousand rupees) and drive on weekends, not stopping for any rickshaw which is violating traffic rules. Just bloody bang them if they cut in front of you.

Ekdum Enthu

I am waiting for something to crib about all morning. Finally i did find something to crib about. Life being a bummer coz I misplaced some money. Life is so unfair!!  I mean, just like that, why should I be the one to lose money? Why not some other person??? What did i do to anyone anyway??

But, i found it.

So..while i am enthusiastic to crib about something, it isn’t happening yet.

So i think, this is it!! I’m cribbing about nothing to crib about!! Great!! Feel much better now!

I am so bored

The weather is so gloomy... the heavens can't stop pissin and boring movies playing on tatasky.
The morning tea was a super diluted version of the real tea. I dont know why the crow was squawking and screeching at a close range from my window...stupid idiot early in the morning dream of becoming an indian idol. Or perhaps like the old saying goes, I might have to expect visitors...arrgh...that means I will have to entertain them and put a "I am so excited to meet you" smile. For gods sake, let me sleep...do some magic and make these thing disappear....uh huh...am i expecting too much...anyway now I am bored of this laptop that makes me type the blog posts...cant this idiot just do anything by itself!!!??

Road to Hell......

I compare driving on the roads of Mumbai to being a soldier on the frontline; Life is always in danger.
Driving on the road in wrong direction, rash driving & breaking signals, has become , kind of, our birth right. Just yesterday while I was returning home in the evening, a Tata-Indigo with a 'Lal-Batti' on top was coming in the wrong direction & that too on the first lane! It was almost about to bang my car. That idiot expected me to move my car & let him go. I stood my ground & did not budge & a long queue started forming behind me. That b@$t@rd started giving me gaalis while taking his car in the right direction (he chose to drive over the divider). I just smiled at him & he got more frustrated :)......In perfect Bambaiya style, a dialogue from me- "Saala , apne baap ka road samajhta hai kya?". I also hope the 'good-for-nothing' Neta/babu sitting inside the car got a nasty backache due to the divider & his evening got spoilt (let him experience what we go through everyday)
About the roads, I think , this year the government & the BMC decided to do absolutely no work. They are more interested in filling their pockets than filling the potholes. A few days back my car started making a strange squeaking noise after going through a massive crater & I am sure every car owner has faced some problem or the other due to bad roads. Now, who is responsible for this? Why aren't proven technologies like Carboncor used to fill the potholes? Why are there potholes in the first place?........Blatant corruption, not in Patna but in Bombay.
Just day before I was seeing a program on TV which said India has one of the highest accident rates & it is increasing every year! Isn't human life precious? Worst it, even influentieal people & top industrialists choose to stay silent. Why isn't there a pressure group? how can these b@$t@rds have their way everytime? Afterall, don't we pay taxes? So, isn't it a Deadly experience driving a car with bad roads & equally bad driving habits?
These days very often I get disillusioned & wonder whether it is worth staying here.........

Road going to Hinjewadi - Adventure after the rains!!

So its been raining a lot - at least off and on. And of course that means that all the roads are in a real bad shape. And of course it rains like this only in India! Or the rain in India is special - its not the same water that comes down everywhere else in the world! I say that because you don't see roads going to this state in other parts of the world even when it rains there.
Every year the corporations spent huge amounts of our tax money on repaining the roads!! More like they give the money to contractors to "pretend" to fix/patch/make roads. Because the roads are "made" every year and next year, its again back to square one! Few rains and roads cease to exist!!! The only thing changes from year to year (or it might change) is which road wins the worst road contest in any given city. This year in Pune, Wakad Phata – the road going to Hinjewadi from Aundh is giving a tough competition and my guess is that it IS going to win this “Worst road of the city” contest.
In fact this road is so bad, that you can’t call it a “road” anymore… Its got potholes and potholes in the potholes… and then in places its 3 layers of potholes… Oh and of course to make up for these potholes there are bumps. Some of them small, tiny ones and others are nice and big!! In places its like driving your car on the side of a hill.
Anyone looking for adventure can come drive on this road and feel the excitement of driving on a dirt track, sand dunes and even the moon!!! All right here on this ONE road!!! Its most exciting to be driving on the side of a BIG bump – like driving on the side of a hill – and end up in a huge pothole right at the end of the bump!!
And many people working in Hinjewadi experience this THRILL everyday!!! Twice!!!!

And lets not even talk about how things are going to get even more exciting because of the Ganapati in the next few days....

Auto / Taxi strike == Less Traffic!?!? Yeah right!

Really? In the ideal world yes. But not this morning! Damn! Am so p*****d off. Got up this morning to the news that there's an auto / taxi strike. Was smiling - although, I pity the people who depend on autos / taxis to commute to work and back home, but whatever - realizing today's gonna be a fun ride to work at least, 'coz by evening, the kaali-pilis will be back on the road.

All excited, left home@8 am, smooth ride till Goregaon WEH, but then...my idealistic world came crashing down like Tom's teeth when Jerry hurls a ball at him. Damn! From Mahananda Dairy onwards thru the JVLR, it was choc-a-block! My car was moving at a speed of 0.000001 k.p.h. Damn!

Took me 2 hours to get to work. Damn!
So whoever said Auto / Taxi strike == Less Traffic, I have 3 words for you'll. IN YOUR DREAMS!!!

Damn!

Her Highness Kaam Wali

The most sought after job is not that of a Software Engineer... it's that of a "kaam wali" (maid servant). With a lot of competition that exists in this job, it's a niche area. Mind you it's not an easy job. Below are some of the traits of typical "kaam wali" which will make identification easy:

1. If you hear some wierd language that sounds like a fcked up version of your local language

2. If the person knocks at you door at 7 am telling you that you need domestic help

3. If the person offers domestic help and charges 500 rs per task (no it's not listed in TFS ...that is charged extra)

4. If the person treats your house has her own house literally

5. If the person has a tendency to tell you that you need to buy sugar ASAP, because she can't start work without a chai first!

6. If the person decides to disappear at will for a couple of days and has the nerve to not inform you.

7. If the person is responsible for causing a virtual inflation in your society/apartment by job hoping across floors or other buildings in the same campus

8. If the person tells you to turn the TV on or play some music, since she apparently performs best while listening to music or watching TV.

9. If the person tells you to turn the AC on, since she is feeling hot.

10. If the person doesn't care a s**t about how long she's been working with you, but will still demand a raise after every 15 days.

11. If the person cooks extra food to being with, so that an opportunity is created automatically where in you will offer her to take the food that otherwise would have gone waste!

12. If the person is highly influenced with indian-soap-operas such that, she will be trying various techniques to eavesdrop on private family conversations that she learnt in these shows

13. If you can trust that person to publicly declare every single thing that happens in your house.

14. If you can trust her to leave the job for someone else is offering her 10 rupees more per month.

15. If she gives reasons like, "bus late aayi", "baccho ko school mein chod na tha", "mere pati ne raat ko bahut maara", "mein time peich aayi, aapni ghadi tapaso", "tula kadhi usheer nahi ka zhala melya" etc.

16. If her name is "Gangu", "Shanta", "Kanta", "Mangal", "Ujwal" then they are considered pedigree.

All the "kaam walis" are super unique. They come in various shapes, sizes and age. The older ones are more groomed to deal with trying situations, however they don't usually stay put on the point. The younger ones think "women empowerment" is all about them in specific and don't leave an opportunity to blurt a heavy dose of dirties abuse you have ever heard in a life time if you ask them to do additional work. Then there are ones which try different techniques to earn some real fast money (remember that Bollywood actor who was convicted for raping a "kaam wali"). Then there are those who wouldn't bother to wear clean clothes everyday and stink enough to wake you up even if you are in the deepest of sleeps. There are those who can finish "zhadu + pocha" for a 2 bhk flat (approx 900sqft area) in 10 mins or lesser period! Then there are those who can consume all the soap that you bought for washing the utensils, in one day, yet manage to leave the utensil dirty!

All in all, highly dynamic in nature, very "hard" working, always on the run (hurry to another place)!

Presenting The Indian Kaam Wali...!!! All stand and bow (or otherwise, fcking do the entire housework on your own)!

Blackberry and 64 bits sync

Its so stupid… Blackberry releases a new version of its Desktop Manager and still no support for 64 bits Outlook. Oh C’mon, its not as if all the data becomes double in size so that there is a big translation required.

Education System

Ok what's the best business that is self fueled!?? Education!!!...

Right Answer!!!..."iske saath aap kuch nahi jeete ghar jao aur padhaee karo".



Here's education as I see it in this country-






I am so disgusted with the education system so to say in this country...the only thing that has positively / upwardly changed is the fees. Engineering Colleges charge anything from 60k to 1L (min) per year for basic graduation courses. The curriculum is "Shivaji-Kaalin" (from Shivaji's Era). Students have no s**t clue about what they are doing and why they are doing whatever they are doing. Parent's are funnier because neither do they have any clue about what's happening out there in terms of various career options and they still manage to force the child into something and are willing to shell out that kind of money that one can only image. Now this is the 80% of the "janta" that we are talking about. Rest 20% "janta" gets into these college via the management quota...which is effectively "managed (under the table)" quota to be exact. If you are rich, your life is made...be willing to shell out anything from 7L to 14L as donations and your admission is a done deal. If it is so well "managed" then why don't they just hand over certificates (post-dated) right then-n-there?



Well... ok so they take huge donations...then why the heck do they not provide decent infrastructure? Age old computers, badly maintained books, ugly looking professors (my kaam wali is well dressed) who never saw the light of the day (i meant - never worked in any corporate environment, however "light of the day" went in tandem with the sentence, so WTF..continue reading), HOD's who can barely manage to stand either because their expiry date is fast approaching or simple because of an oversized ass that refuses to hold itself up, badly desiged uniforms...just looking at it makes me feel gloomy, tall bulidings (in place of beautiful campuses with bunch of trees and gardens) built so close to each other that they would die of suffocation (forget about the students), cafeteria's which are a little bigger than "chay ki tapri" (road-side tea stalls) and equally un-hygenic with overflowing trash-bins, badly ventilated labs with antic software that most software companies have long forgotten, cheap and high un-ergonomic chairs where students proudly get their spine (fucked) and so on...This is the rare f*****g education that one can only get in this country, which we are super proud of!!!! I haven't yet spoken about the various scams that happen in a day-to-day routine in these campuses (best left for another day)....



Imagine all this comes at a price of min 60K per year at the min...it's entertaining to me as an outsider at someone else's cost. This is the 2 mins lap-around "top-notch" engineering colleges in Pune. I can't dare to think about the other "non-top-notch" colleges.


Why would we really want our children to go through this hell? Why beat the hell out of them and expect them to perform at their best in this godforsaken environment? I would rather use those 7L rupees to setup a personal lab with state of the art equipment and hire a personal coach/teacher to teach my kid only what he/she need to know rather than learn 10 differnt subjects of which NONE will ever be used (8/10)!!!


We (humans) don't want to give birth to computers...we want human beings, who can think for themselves please!!!!!


Will the real idiot who doesn't agree please stand up?